They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
