What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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