the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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