so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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