Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
