wakey wakey hands off snakey
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
