You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
