ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
