You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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