So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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