i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
