So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize