Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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