You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
