dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Welp...herpes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
