i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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