Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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