my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
