Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
