1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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