your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
