she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize