So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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