Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
