I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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