Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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