Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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