I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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