i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
