I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
