Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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