I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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