Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
