i need an iv and a liver transplant
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
