Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize