Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
