Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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