Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
