This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
