Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
