I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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