That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
