Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I supernannyed him into submission
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
