I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize