the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
