i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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