somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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