I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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