Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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