I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
