So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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