Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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