I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
