dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
