She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
