I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
