can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
