it was like his penis was on wheels.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
