im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize