I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
