Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
