No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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