I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
