She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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