I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
