Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
