He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
