see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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