your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
