Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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