Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
