I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
