cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
