Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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