We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
