Moan for me like Helen Keller
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
