So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
