dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
