I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
pray to the hookup gods
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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