She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
