i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
