I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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