i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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