i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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