Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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