i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
