It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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