my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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