after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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