Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
