Where did you get a picture of my penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
