You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I know her cup size but not her name....
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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