Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
