I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
