i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
