Don't you send me to vm
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
