i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
