i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
she looked like the before picture.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
