Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
