the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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