And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
