I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
