yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
