how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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