One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
