I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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